This blog is going to have a different tone compared to the others you will find here. Why? Because the topic is of a slightly more serious nature. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about the parks, coasters, and solo travel, but another facet of this site and another reason for creating it was to talk about dating and singlehood, and – let’s be honest – modern dating sucks. The loneliness epidemic, the 4B movement, dating apps, hookup culture, incels, and femcels – if you’re familiar with any of these terms, then you already know and you might be in the same boat as this hopeless romantic.
But this hopeless romantic is still hopeful. Winter has always been my favorite time of year because I think it is the most romantic time of year. Curling up on the sofa under a blanket in matching pajamas watching Harry Potter or a cheesy Hallmark movie. Walking through the parks decorated with holiday lights while singing carols. Sipping hot butterbeer or cocoa on a cold day with an arm around you for warmth. Some call it cuffing season, I just call it romantic. But it’s not very romantic when you’re chronically single, and this year has been especially hard.
But this dreamer still dreams. For as long as I can remember, probably shortly after my first visit to Disney as a kid, I’ve dreamt about one day bringing my kids to the parks, seeing their eyes light up when they see the castle at Magic Kingdom, the dragon in Diagon Alley, or meet their favorite character for the first time. Without fail, every time I visit the parks, there is at least one family experiencing the “first look” with their kids, and, as a seasoned people watcher, I think it is the most beautiful thing to witness. It is something I’ve wanted for a while, but with each passing year, it feels like a dream slipping through my fingers, a dream that is slowly dying.
When a loved one dies, the natural process of mourning takes us through five emotional stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The same thing happens when a dream dies. One of my favorite content creators – Alyssa on TikTok – talks about being a single woman in her 30s, and one of her videos that touched on the grieving process really resonated with me. In short, you are allowed to grieve the things you thought you would have at this stage in your life. I think that is the season of my life where I currently find myself, as my ovaries make me keenly aware of the clock counting down, not to midnight, but on the window of having children and a family of my own. I still have hope, but I am a realist. There is still the very real possibility that it simply isn’t in the cards for some of us. It is a hard place to find oneself, but the process of mourning is natural and necessary to create new dreams.
So then, what’s the solution to the larger problem of modern dating? How do we solve this problem? How do we achieve the dream and find our person? This author naturally gravitates towards problem-solving and finding a solution, however, in this most frustrating of situations, I simply don’t have an answer. Sure, there are ways around the issue of modern dating – adoption, IVF – but I dream of the package deal that comes with a soul mate, my person, the proverbial needle in the haystack. What I do know is that dating apps aren’t working. They are only creating a culture of impermanence, of shopping around, of “next!” and “throw it away” rather than “stay” and “let’s fix it together.” My hope is that we as a society come to realize this and return to simpler times before dating apps and hook-up culture, that we return to deep conversations and a genuine desire to understand each other and not just chase dopamine. A mindset change from “What can I get out of this person?” to “What do I have to bring to the table?” and “What can we build together?”
It is poignant that I’m posting this on New Year’s Eve, having reflected on yet another year of singlehood. In truth, this holiday season has been hard, but I was determined to write at least one more post before the end of the year. Tonight I will toast and say cheers with my family, eat twelve grapes under the table (yes, that’s a thing), do my nightly face-cleansing routine, and go to bed alone. Tomorrow I will wake up, make my bed, do my morning face routine, and start the day with an iced coffee and a goal to be better than the person I was yesterday (thank you, Dr. Jordan Peterson). Routines help, routines are therapeutic. No matter what happens in the hours between my morning and evening routine, the routine grounds me. It is my time, it is the one thing I can control whereas the rest of the day might have been completely out of my hands. It wakes me up with a renewed sense of hope, and it puts a period at the end of the sentence that was my day. If there is one thing I can share from my experience, it is to create a routine and keep working on you, on being your best self.
And the second, do something you love whether you’re alone or with a friend. For me, it’s roller coasters and writing about roller coasters. And that is exactly what I plan to do more of in 2025. Until then, dear reader, I wish you all the best in the new year.
See you in the Single Rider Lane 😉
Resources:
- Self-Care Ideas That Stick, Even When You’re Busy – Headspace: Headspace provides strategies to incorporate self-care into daily routines, emphasizing mindfulness practices – Headspace
- 10 Mindfulness Exercises to Include in Your Daily Routine – Calm Blog: Calm offers a variety of mindfulness activities designed to enrich daily life and promote mental clarity – Calm
- Confronting the Toll of Hookup Culture – Institute for Family Studies: This article explores the psychological impacts of hookup culture, including emotional distress and attachment issues – Institute for Family Studies
- Hookup Culture, Dating Apps, and Relationships – Sites at Penn State: An analysis of how dating apps influence hookup culture and the dynamics of modern relationships – Penn State Sites
- Dating Apps Are Bad for Society – Washington Examiner: An opinion piece discussing the negative societal implications of dating apps, including issues related to sociosexuality and relationship satisfaction – Washington Examiner